Have you ever felt ill-equipped to communicate with your kids when something bad has happened? Have your found yourself looking for a book about it so that you can just read to them instead and hope they get the message? If you’ve felt like this, know that most people do. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s nothing short of painful to see your children hurting. Most people are at a loss for words when a pet runs away, a divorce is pending, or a grandparent dies. While it may be your natural instinct to want to protect your children from painful experiences, it’s not what is best for them. Life is full of painful emotions, so here are some guidelines for you to help your child navigate through them.
The first and most important thing to do is to check your own emotions about the situation. Get a handle on them before addressing your children. The last thing you want is for your children to worry about taking care of you. It’s understandably harder when it is an emotional issue for you so determine if perhaps there is someone more appropriate to deliver the message to your children.
Be open. Kids may react in a variety of ways in which you did not expect. They may cry, laugh , get angry or do nothing at all. Don’t worry too much about initial reactions, some kids just need time for the news to sink in. Be there when it does.
Make sure you give information according to your child’s age. The younger they are, the less information they need. Your teenagers will need more information and will likely have more questions for you. Answer any and all questions as they come. Don’t be surprised if you get blamed for the bad news. Children don’t have a lot of life experience yet and simply don’t understand that sometimes bad things just happen.
Reassurance is important. Remind your children that you love them and you are there for them. If you are uncertain about how long you are able to be there for your children (such as when you recieve a terminal prognosis), make sure they know of other caring, trusted adults who will be there for them.
Talk about what the bad news means for them personally. Be specific. Will it change their life a lot? Not at all? Be willing to talk about details with your older children so they can know what to expect. If you are concerned that your child isn’t talking to you about it, make sure other adults in their life are aware of what is going on. Talk to coaches, teachers, youth group leaders and anyone who can offer support.
In the midst of breaking bad news, do your best to stay positive and talk about how to hang in there while dealing with the situation. This is a great time to model healthy coping skills during times of stress. Your children are watching you and following your lead whether your eat or drink your way through stress or surround your self with a support network to lift you up.
Bad news is part of life and your children will come to recognize that as they grow up. Now is the time to equip them with the skills to handle whatever comes their way. Talk to them – I’m wishing you the very best!
Leave a comment if you can offer some strategies for breaking bad news to kids.
*This blog was pieced together with information on breaking bad news to your kids found on www.parentfurther.com. It’s an incredible resource for parents!
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