Tag Archives: Personality

Self Renovation

28 Jul

I’ve been cleaning and painting a house every day for the last week. It’s my rental house. I have dusted, scrubbed, washed, swept, wiped down and picked at things with my finger nails that I probably shouldn’t have. I’ve taped, cut in, painted and repainted every nook and cranny. I’ve changed light bulbs, put in curtains and air fresheners in every room. The place went from trash to treasure in about 10 days time. To see the change has been nothing short of moving and somewhat emotional.

I was about 5 days in when I began to see the changes really taking place and my first thought was, why haven’t I done this in my primary home? What has kept me from spending money on new lighting, paint and vanilla fragrance in the home I live in every day? It didn’t take much time to convince myself that was what I should do. Another 5 days went by and then I did what I always do, I make meaning. I find a way to relate it to my existence as a human being and learn a lesson. I strongly believe that is what we are all here to do anyway.

If you’ve ever dabbled in any dream analysis and tried to figure out why the heck you keep dreaming you’re late for class, running around naked or your legs won’t work when you’re running from the bad guys, then you may know when we dream about a house, it often represents ourselves. When we explore different rooms in the house, we are often exploring different parts of our being – perhaps our roles as a parent, a sibling, a professional, a creative being and so on. Or perhaps it’s the cynical part, the depressed part, the hurting part, the people pleaser part and the broken parts.

Now back to my task of making meaning and allowing this rental house to represent me for the sake of learning. Before I did the cleaning, the house smelled. It was instinctual to turn away and walk the other direction. Is there anybody that perceives me that way? I’m not asking if I stink, and I’m pretty sure I don’t but I am asking if people are more inclined to approach me or turn away from me at first glance and at first encounter with my energy. Am I positive or negative? Do I attract or repel? And if I did a little more upkeep on my attitude, would I draw more positive people to me? I believe what I put out there comes back to me so it is on my to-do list to refresh my attitude.

The old flooring had stains. It had weird icky gooey stuff. It had years of memories, liquid and otherwise. I picked at some of these trying to clean them up. What kinds of stains am I carrying around? I know when people unknowingly pick at one of my old wounds the feelings come gushing out at a rate that is more than called for in the present situation. In other words, they see me “over reacting.” I’ve been triggered and they don’t know it. I think instead of letting these old hurts continue to embarrass me and cause me to look overly dramatic and then just scab over, I might just try some therapy, some meditation, some healing of the soul. Rumi says the wound is where the light enters so I’ll make sure I don’t make them disappear completely (aka denial) but I’ll take better care to clean them and prevent further scarring.

The most damage and dirt in the house was upstairs. It is also in the “upstairs” of me. It’s in my eyes when I look in the mirror and in my mouth when I say those ugly things about my hair and my body. It’s in my ears when I hear only the negative. It’s in my head, in my thoughts and in the old scripts I’ve repeated over the years. I need a lobotomy. Okay, not really, but obviously it’s time to clear the dust from my eyes and see the beauty in this woman that God created. I will shut this mouth and do what my mother said; if I can’t say something nice (about myself) well then I won’t say anything at all. I don’t know what to do about the way I hear things. I guess I’ll probably encourage those that love me to repeat themselves again and again until I can hear it for what it is. They say I am beautiful, that I am kind and strong and smart. That is worth hearing so I will listen. My brain that has the old scripts is really just that little girl version of me still crying about who knows what. I believe the adult version of me is going to just have to sit her down for a come to Jesus meeting and tell it like it is. I will tell her we’re cleaning house and it feels good.

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How You Do Something Is How You Do Everything

22 Jul

I heard this phrase last year at the annual conference for the American Counseling Association. We had invited celebrity and well-known actress Ashley Judd to be the keynote speaker. While I understand she may have some radical political views, I will not be referencing anything of that sort. I only want to share with you a little bit about the powerful messages she so bravely shared with us as she picked through some of her most trying childhood memories and shared her story of recovery.

How you do something is how you do everything. I heard the words and they slowly began to melt over me as if the world were moving in slow motion. I am sure my mouth was wide open as patterns of my life and those I know began to move through my mind. It was as if I’d never heard anything more truthful in my life. Think about the words and how they might apply to you or people you know. When we talk about “doing” we are talking about behavior. Are you always neat and organized and on time and overly structured? Are you a bit messy, frazzled, and always running a bit behind? Would all of your closest friends use the same three words to describe you? Probably, because now I see how true it is, how you do something is how you do everything. Are you a half-asser? Have you ever seen the end of any project? Or do you finish everything you start and give a 110% without a second thought? This is where our labels come from. “Oh, she is such a hard worker!” Or on the flip side, “He’s the laziest guy I know.” Our behavior speaks for us and often represents our character and people begin judging and assuming and lumping us under one big label just to keep it simple. They decide if we’re honest, trustworthy, active, capable, silly, organized, mean, kind, and in general if we are good or bad.

If there were ever a companion phrase that goes along with this one, it would be, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” You guessed it. Because how they do something is how they do everything. I believe in exceptions on occasion, but I rarely chalk things up to random, especially people’s behavior. If you stick around long enough, you will see the patterns. What you thought was random behavior or a one-time fluke can then be filed under “red flag.” You’re next step would be to run in the other direction. Run fast.

I think you’ll find it easy to look around you for patterns of behavior in those closest to you. The harder part will be looking at your own patterns. If you are unable to see it for yourself right away, try to think of things you have heard over the years. What have people said about you? This may be hard because we tend to block out some of the more hurtful comments. If you only heard it once, let it go. If you continue to hear it, then perhaps there is some truth in it.

How you do something is how you do everything. By the time you’re grown, your behavior is fairly predictable and in line with your morals and values. With the exception of chemical imbalances and serious disorders, you are likely presenting yourself to the world in a consistent manner. So… what do people think of you? You don’t know? Find out. There is power in awareness. Become aware of how you are perceived by others. If you don’t like it, change it.

Myers – Briggs Type Indicator (Quick Guide)

6 Jul
  • Here is a quick guide to finding your type on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – based on the work of Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen, authors of Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work.

Extra or Introverted

Sensing or iNtuitive

Thinking or Feeling

Judging or Perceiving

ITSJ

ISFJ

INFJ

INTJ

ISTP

ISFP

INFP

INTP

ESTP

ESFP

ENFP

ENTP

ESTJ

ESFJ

ENFJ

ENTJ

If you are an Extrovert (E), you probably:

  • tend to talk first, think later, and don’t know what you’ll say until you hear yourself say it.
  • know a lot of people, and count many of them among your “close friends”. You like to include as many people as possible in your activities.
  • don’t mind reading or having a conversation while the TV or radio is on in the background; in fact you may oblivious to this distraction.
  • are approachable and easily engaged by friends and strangers alike, though perhaps somewhat dominating in conversation.
  • find telephone calls to be welcome interruptions and don’t hesitate to pick up the phone whenever you have something to tell someone.
  • like going to parties and prefer to talk with many people instead of just a few; your conversations aren’t necessarily limited to those you already know, and you aren’t beyond revealing relatively personal things to veritable strangers.
  • prefer generating ideas with a group than by yourself; you become drained if you spend too much ie in reflective thinking without being able to bounce your thoughts off others.
  • find listening more difficult than talking; you don’t like to give up the limelight and often get bored when you can’t participate actively in a conversation.
  • need affirmation from friends and associates about who you are, what you do, how you look, and just about everything else; you may think you’re doing a good job, but until you hear someone tell you, you don’t truly believe it.

If you are an Introvert (I), you probably:

  • rehearse things before saying them and prefer that others would do the same; you often respond with “I’ll have to think about hat” or “let me tell you later”.
  • enjoy the peace and quiet of having tie to yourself; you find your private time too easily invaded and tend to adapt by developing a high power of concentrations that can shut out TV, noisy kids, or nearby conversations.
  • are perceived as ” a great listener” but feel that others take advantage of you.
  • have been called “shy” from time to time; whether or not you agree, you may come across to others as somewhat reserved and reflective.
  • like to share special occasions with jus one other person or perhaps a few close friends.
  • wish that you could get your ideas out more forcefully; you resent those who blurt out things you wer just about to say.
  • like stating your thoughts or feelings without interruption; you allow others to do the same i the hope that they will reciprocate when it comes time for you to speak.
  • need to “recharge” alone after you’ve spent time socializing with a group; the more intense the encounter, the greater chance you’ll feel drained afterward.
  • wer told by our parents to “go outside and play with your friends: when you were a child; your parents probably worried about you because you liked to be by yourself.
  • believe that “talk is cheap”; you get suspicious if people are too complimentary, or irritated if they say something that’s already been said by someone else. The phrase “reinventing the wheel” may occur to you as you hear others chattering away.

If you are a Sensor (S), you probably:

  • prefer specific answers to specific questions; when you ask someone the time, you prefer “three fifty-two” and get irritated if the answer is “a little before four” or “almost time to go”.
  • like to concentrate on what you’re doing at the moment and generally don’t wonder about what’s next; moreover, you would rather do something than think about it.
  • find most satisfying those jobs that yield some tangible result; as much as you may hate doing housekeeping, you would rather clean your office than think about where your career is headed.
  • believe that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”; you don’t understand why some people have to try to improve everything.
  • would rather work with facts and figures than ideas and theories; you like to hear things sequentially instead of randomly.
  • think that fantasy is a dirty word; you wonder about people who seem to spend too much time indulging their imagination.
  • read magazines from front to back; you don’t understand why people prefer to dive into them anywhere they please.
  • get frustrated when people don’t give you clear instruction, or when someone says “Here’s the overall plan – we’ll take care of the details later.”
  • are very literal in your use of words; you also take things literally and often find yourself asking, and being asked, “Are you serious or is that a joke?”
  • find it easier to see the individual trees than the forest; at work, you are happy to focus in on your own job, and aren’t as concerned about how it fits into the larger scheme of things.
  • subscribe to the notion that “seeing is believing” ; if someone tells you that “the train is here”, you know it really isn’t here until you get on board.

If you are iNtuitive (N), you probably:

  • tend to think about several things at once; you are often accused by friends and colleagues of being absentminded.
  • find the future and its possibilities more intriguing than frightening; you are usually more excited about where you’re going than where you are.
  • believe that “boring details” is a redundancy.
  • believe that time is relative; no matter what the hour, you aren’t late unless the meeting/meal/party has started without you.
  • like figuring out how things work just for the sheer pleasure of doing so.
  • are prone to puns and word games
  • find yourself seeking the connections and inter-relatedness behind most things rather than accepting them at face value; you’re always asking “what does that mean?”
  • tend to give general answers to most questions; you don’t understand why so many people can’t follow your directions, and you get irritated when people push you for specifics.
  • would rather fantasize about spending your next paycheck than sit and balance you checkbook.

If you are a Thinker (T), you probably:

  • are able to stay cool, calm, and objective in situations when everyone else is upset.
  • would rather settle a dispute based on what is fair and truthful rather than what will make people happy.
  • enjoy proving a point for the sake of clarity; it’s not beyond you to argue both sides ni a discussion simply to expand your intellectual horizons.
  • are more firm-minded than gentle-hearted; if you disagree with people, you would rather tell them than say nothing and let them think they’re right.
  • pride yourself on your objectivity despite the fact that some people accuse you of being cold an uncaring (you know this couldn’t be further from the truth).
  • don’t mind making difficult decisions and can’t understand why so many people get upset about things that aren’t relevant to the issue at hand.
  • think it’s more important to be right than liked; you don’t believe it is necessary to like people in order to be able to work with them and do a good job.
  • aer impressed with and lend more credence to things that are logical and scientific; until you receive more information to justify – you are skeptical.
  • remember numbers and figures more readily than faces and names.

If you are a Feeler (F), you probably:

  • consider a “good decision” one that takes others’ feelings into account
  • feel that “love” cannot be defined; you take great offense at those who try to do so.
  • will overextend yourself meeting other people’s needs; you’ll do almost anything to accommodate others, even at the expense of your own comfort.
  • put yourself in other people’s shoes; you are likely to be the one asks, “How will this affect the people involved?”
  • enjoy providing needed services to people although you find that some people take advantage of you.
  • find yourself wondering “Doesn’t anyone care about what I want?” although you may have difficulty actually saying this to anyone.
  • won’t hesitate to take back something you’ve said that you perceive has offended someone’ as a result, you’re accused of being wishy-washy.
  • prefer harmony over clarity’ you are embarrassed by conflict in groups or family gatherings and will either try to avoid it – ” let’s change the subject” or smother it with love – “let’s kiss and make up”.
  • are often accused of taking things too personally.

If you are a Judger (J), you probably:

  • are always waiting for others, who never seem to be on time.
  • have a place for everything and aren’t satisfied until everything is in its place.
  • “know” that if everyone would simply do what they’re supposed to do and when they are supposed to do it, the world would be a better place.
  • wake up int he morning and know fairly well what your day is going to be like; you have a schedule and follow it and can come unravelled if things don’t go as planned.
  • don’t like surprises, and make this well know to everyone.
  • keep lists and use them; if you do something that’s not on your list, you may even add it to the list just so you can cross it off.
  • thrive on order; you have a special system for keeping things in the refrigerator and dishwasher, hangers in your closets, and pictures on your walls.
  • are accused of being angry when you’re not; you’re only stating your opinion.
  • like to work things through to completion and get them out of the way, even if you know you’re going t have to do it over again later to get it right.

If you are a Perceiver (P), you probably:

  • are easily distracted; you can get “lost” between the front door and the car.
  • love to explore the unknown, even if it’s something as simple as a new route from home to work.
  • dont’ plan on a task but wait and see what it demands; people accuse you of being disorganized, although you know better.
  • have to depend on last-minute spurts of energy to meet deadlines; you usually make the deadline, although you may drive everyone else crazy int the process.
  • don’t believe that “neatness counts,” even though you would prefer to have things in order; what’s important is creativity, spontaneity, and responsiveness.
  • turn most work into play; if it can’t be made into fun, it probably isn’t worth doing.
  • change the subject often in conversations; the new topic can be anything that enters your mind or walks into the room.
  • don’t like to be pinned down about most things; you’d rather keep your options open.
  • tend to usually make things less than definite from time to time, but not always – it depends.

E or I S or N T or F J or P

__________ ___________ ____________ ___________

See which letter out of each of the pairs you agreed more with and write that letter in the blank. You can figure out your four letter type when you have filled in all four blanks.

Learn more about your results visit: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.asp