Tag Archives: independence

Those Who Dream…

31 Dec

There is a difference in those who dream and those who don’t. It’s more than a case of optimism versus pessimism and it definitely does not have anything to do with those who hold low expectations and prefer to be happily surprised when something goes their way. Dreaming is about something much bigger.

In true Amy fashion, I was the first one into the courthouse this morning to file my Assumed Name Certificate. I opened a business. While the physical doors built into the brick and mortar, have not opened, the dream has begun. It’s been building in my heart and in my head for years now. While it is great to be an American and live in a land of opportunity where I can own my own business, I still see there is something greater at work. There wasn’t exactly a line out the door of the courthouse, yet every American has the same opportunity that I have. What gives?

As I saw it from a business standpoint this morning, I often see it from a relationship standpoint. What about those friends of mine who have given up on love or decided there isn’t anybody who wants to love them in this lifetime? They’ve lost the dream. But why?

Whether it is matters of business or matters of the heart, the difference between those who dream and those who don’t comes down to just one thing. Those who dream believe they deserve to. At the core of their being, they feel worthy of what they dream for – a business of their own, a love greater than they can even imagine. It should be rightfully theirs because they are a valuable human being who deserves nothing less.

My research isn’t formal but I find that the higher the self-esteem one has, the further into the future they can see their lives. They are willing to go there because they are hopeful it will be decent if not great. They dare to dream.

Just like everybody else, I’ve been knocked down and had my dreams fall apart in more ways than one. There were quiet years in my life where I moved forward but just got by. I’d lost some of who I was and was afraid to dream. Getting hurt can do a number on most of us and a common response is just to be content where we are, maybe even hide out in place of safety and a state of complacency. No dreams allowed. If you find yourself in this spot, take some time and see if there is any connection to your beliefs about who you are and what you deserve. If that turns out to be the case, I don’t know what they told you about yourself, but it isn’t true. You are worthy of your dreams.

Now to tell you to go forward and dream big wouldn’t be fair. It’s like telling you to start on 1st base without recognizing that the dreaming starts at home plate. Believing you’re worthy of your dreams must come first. Weed through the junk and find your way back to you. Believe in yourself and then chase the dream until it is yours.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Good luck. I’m rooting for you!

Change a Tire, Change a Heart

30 Mar

Isn’t the universe a funny thing? Sometimes I wonder why I even try to be in charge of my own life.

I met someone recently and over the past month we’ve been sharing with each other the ins and outs of who we are. It was just a few weeks ago when I shared something with him that I share with almost everyone I know. I hate doing “man stuff.” I was referring to the times when I am forced to deal with things that require tools and testosterone. Mostly car troubles, things in the house that need fixing, mastering the pool equipment to keep my pool clean and other things of that nature. So I said to him, “I hate doing man stuff.” As soon as I said it I felt whiney and was sure I should hand over my “equality for women” card. This made me nervous, so I did what I always do when I get nervous, I kept talking… a lot. Thank goodness I did, because I finally said something I needed to hear. It came out of my own mouth. It was my truth. This is what I said. “I hate doing man stuff. It’s so frustrating and I usually end up crying. I mean, I can do these things myself or certainly be resourceful enough to get them done. I just hate doing the “man stuff” because it is a reminder that I am alone.” (Insert Aha! Moment)

Well how about that? It turns out it wasn’t so much the “man stuff” that got me so upset after all. It was that undeniable awareness that I am alone. There is no partner around to do the “man stuff.” There is no other adult in my house to help me navigate the up and down days of my life. It is just me.

So I heard my truth come out and I have to say I was a bit surprised. I am strong. I am independent. I can do a lot of things. These are truths I speak more often. I am familiar with them. This new one was unfamiliar and I wasn’t sure I liked it.

Recently, I shared something with my children and every client I’ve seen in the last two weeks. I talked with them about courage and what it means to have courage. I told them it seems that people these days align courage with acts of heroism. I told them that I believed that courage means being able to speak from the heart, to speak your truth. I said very clearly to each of them, “The bravest and most courageous thing you can do is to ask for what you need.”

Fast forward to this morning. I woke up with a full agenda for the day and a flat tire. Crap! Man stuff! With a heavy sigh I began to problem solve. My first step was sending a text to that same person. I figured this was a good move since I’d already proclaimed my hatred for “man stuff” to him. This would not shock him and he’d be able to tell me what to do.

He replied with a text followed by a phone call. Would you believe he had the nerve to offer to drive across town just to take off the flat tire and put the spare on? I began to think…He must not know I’m strong. He must not know I’m independent and that I can do all kinds of things. Whether he sensed my hesitation or not, he suggested I think about it and said he’d call me right back. And that is when it hit me. Damn you universe! I hear you loud and clear. It’s time for me to take my own advice. It’s time for me to own a new truth that I have so adamantly tried to push on to everyone else. I really didn’t think “I need help” fell in line with “I am strong, I am independent, I can do all kinds of things.” Well it doesn’t, unless you have courage. The courageous ones know that getting your needs met doesn’t make you weak or dependent.

He called back with his offer still standing. I accepted. I also told him how extremely difficult it was for me to ask for and accept help. He said he understood and was on his way. He arrived, he changed my tire and he forever changed my heart. He was the teacher I needed in the moment I needed him. He gave help without judgment and thought no less of me. It turns out that I can do all kinds of things including having the courage to ask for what I need. Thank you universe and thank you James.