Letting Go

3 Jan

So the New Year came and I did what I was expected to do. I dutifully declared my New Year’s resolutions to include the obligatory weight loss goal and I even reached a little deeper and declared I’d get back on my faith walk and refocus my energy on a man who will not disappoint. I call him God.

In the spirit of New Year’s resolutions and hope for change, I did what most people do. I started thinking of all “new things.” I’ve spent days thinking of new ways to change my wardrobe, new ways to manage my time, and new ways to spend more quality time with my kids. I also focused a lot my thinking on new ways to take better care of myself. In the midst of all these thoughts my life began to feel a bit cluttered, and then it hit me. I’m adding all these new things and yet I’ve made no room for them. I had no plan for ridding my life of the “old things”, the things that no longer serve me well, the things that detour me off my life’s path and limit my growth as a human being. For me, these “old things” fell under three categories: thoughts, behaviors, and relationships.
I no longer have room for thoughts that say I’m not good enough, I’m too fat and I don’t deserve true love. I cannot save any more space for the kind of behaviors that lead me down a path of destruction and isolate me further from the kind of people I truly want to be around. And when it comes to relationships, I have to take inventory of who is helping and who is hurting. Nobody is hurting me without my consent, I am accountable, and I know that means it is up to me to let go of people in my life that I have come to love in my own bizarre way. They mean something to me.

I am finding with the help of mantras and writing, my old thoughts are fairly easy to replace with new ones. Even old behaviors are being replaced by new and healthy ones in a short amount of time with some conviction. It’s the letting go of relationships that brings me to my knees. The tears flow and my heart literally aches. I’ve sat and wondered why it is so painful to let relationships go and now I am beginning to understand. Relationships have two people in them, the other person and us. When we decide to let the other person go, we have decided to let a part of ourselves go as well. We are saying, this relationship isn’t working for me and I can no longer do this. I can no longer be that person. We let them go, and we let go of a part of us that no longer works to our benefit. Maybe we are letting go of the part of ourselves that allowed others to take advantage of us, to use us, to hurt us. Even when it is in our best interest to let go of the “old us,” it can be scary. At least we are familiar with the old part of ourselves; we know what to expect in the way of thoughts and behaviors. Change on the other hand, can be terrifying. In fact, letting go of relationships will cycle you right back through to your old thoughts and your old behaviors so make sure your new ones are securely in place before you say your goodbyes. Goodbyes are tough so it helps just a little to acknowledge that you’re not just saying goodbye to the other person, but also to an old part of you that isn’t serving you well anymore.

So with the New Year, I have new thoughts. They come from a place of strength and an in-tact self-esteem. The thoughts about being good enough and worthy of love are here to stay. My behaviors are in check and leading me in a healthy direction towards my goals. I have intimate conversations with my God every night. He is the last call of the day for me. As for some of my relationships, I’m letting them go, and yes that includes parts of the “old me” as well. As necessary as they are, goodbyes are never easy.


6 Responses to “Letting Go”

  1. Christy Anderson January 3, 2013 at 5:17 am #

    Wow! I’m so proud of you! I know a thing or two about letting things go and bringing on new things… maybe we can talk soon, I’m excited!!!!!

    • Amy Wilson January 3, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

      Thanks so much Christy. I don’t always like sharing my personal stuff but I find it healing to write it all out. I am always surprised how many people it touches. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.

  2. Cindy S. January 3, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

    Very timely, Amy. I’ve been struggling with the same thing. I was pleased to discover that some belief systems don’t invite “new” at this time of year at all…winter is a time for clearing out the old, tidying up and creating an inviting place for the abundance of spring to take shape. So I’ve decided to go that route and make my “New Year’s Resolutions” at the Spring Equinox. 🙂

    • Amy Wilson January 3, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

      I think timing is everything and nobody knows the right time except for you! I wish you well and I really appreciate you taking the time to read the blog. 🙂

      • maureen1101 January 4, 2013 at 11:26 pm #

        Hi Amy, Reading your blog reminded me of the old Carly Simon song “Now I haven’t got time for pain…. and I haven’t got room or
        the need for the pain…
        (the next line happens to be)…not since I met you (which sounds too dreamy). Since I believe most healthy relationships develop after you work on yourself, I suggest we play a game using the words of this song. The challenge is to change the words “not since I met you” to something different (its a fill in the blank exercise).
        Maureen’s experience:
        “Now I haven’t got time for pain…. and I haven’t got room or the need for the pain…not since I became courageous enough to expose who I really was to others and discovered that I was unconditionally loveable.

      • Amy Wilson January 4, 2013 at 11:49 pm #

        “Now I haven’t got time for pain…. and I haven’t got room or the need for the pain…not since I learned that I am truly beloved and have become accountable for my life and decided to kindly escort people like you right out the door.”

        Great game Maureen! Thanks for reading!

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